still alive

It's been over ten years... wow! I thought I better log back in cos Google are closing down old accounts.

So I'm still alive, just moved back to Oxford.... for now.  I'm also back in education @OpenUniversity. My days barista days are hopefully over forever. I own 33.3% of a cat called Chick. 

Miss you all! And even sorta miss the filthy weird messages :)

wish me luck

started seeing dad again after xmas. just on saturdays for coffee and sometimes breakfast. its pretty random with lots of awkward silences. he said hes bringing val tomorrow. cant wait!

sorta living at my friends flat now, nd hoping he doesnt get back with his boyf cos then i'll actually be homeless. been sleeping with him as well since valentines day :/ not good. he cooked a big steak and did homemade chips and we shared it and had two bottles of the cheapest most vile wine ever. we were horny, bored, drunk...  it just sorta happened. slightly arwkard next morning. thought that would be the end of it. but no.

it wasnt great, the best thing about it was i didnt have to sleep on the hardest lumpiest sofa ever. but its kinda hard to stop it now cos i dont want to appear impolite or ungrateful that im living here rent free!

last night i actually used the famous headache routine. which worked at first, i even had 3 nurofen to be convincing. but i woke up in the night to find him viciously wanking at my cock, which was unsurprisingly rock hard.  he seemed happy enough to swallow, and i somehow managed to avoid doing anything back to him, but did have to lay there while he leaned over me and shot on my stomach. lights were off, so hopefully he didnt see me pulling faces.  not sure i can avoid him tonight though. wish me luck.

141 unpublished

its hard to see life changing cos it happens every day in small bits, bt reading ur old diary nd blog that covers like half a decade is the biggest shock ever.

i never got it, how people thought my life was interesting or exciting. i think the everyday dullness of my life made it entertaining for the people reading this blog. i got a bit freaked out last summer by someone, who after giving me the worst advice ever to try and fuck things up for me, decided to turn up at my old work to try nd stalk me or something. fml just my luck to get a fat bald smelly stalker, where are all the hot bieber lookalike stalkers who are addicted to raping their victims?!

i stopped posting often about a year ago, but didnt stop writing. 141 unpublished.

i did a bad thing last year, that has changed my life in a way i never thought possible. the thing i released this morning is that deep down i dont really think what i did was *that* bad. this realisation is like ive found the forget it and move on switch inside my head.

pretty good

thanx for all the emails. im not dead or anything lol.

life is pretty good atm, working for frank again, and me nd sops are lookn at renting a flat in oxford. prob end up on blackbird leys cos everything near me is well expensive. but will be well good. not told dad nd val cos think they will think im rushing in to things but i love sops to bits nd we are well besties :)

so much has happened to me since the summer and its like my life now is nothing like my old one. thinking about blogging properly again but im not gonna lie, its sorta been nice not having to think about blogging. but then some days i miss it loads, and u guys are great cos u all email me to check im ok and stuff.

for ages i wantd a boyfriend more than anything in the world. but ben hurt me a lot cos he lied about a lot of stuff about his life and then i found out hes done porn and everything and it just made me feel shit. just felt weird knowing thousands of ppl have seen him naked and it just feels like its not special for us. he is propr wrong in the head nd even tho we are friends a bit i dont see him that often.

em has had an abortion even tho they all think i do know, i do cos i saw the letter and it nearly caused them to split up cos matt hates stuff like that. so much shit happening in this house no wonder i want to leave.

merry pissmass

fml been hanging all day, and got forced to eat xmas lunch even tho i wasnt hungry and felt sick. stayed at sops house last night and we watched christmas films, ate crap and got pissed :D she kept tryn to touch my doodle dirty bitch! i love her to bits but she gets a bit annoying sometimes cos she knows im gay but is obsessed with my cock lol. she wanted to do dares and her first one was daring me to wank off and jizz out of her window lol. we stayed up talkn until 5 and then her mum dropped me home this morning at 10 and omg thought i was gonna vom in her car. had to close my eyes cos felt so bad.

not got that many presents this year, em and matt bought me apple tv which i well wasnt expecting, and val bought me socks with my name on. random. just got money from dad and a well nice diesel beanie which em prob got for him to give me. i was saving for a new macbook but been spending all my money on clothes and stuff, so might try nd save again now with my xmas money.

wanted to go out tonight but not allowed :( hes such a twat we are only watchn tv so why does he need me here ffs!?!? if he tries to force me to eat any more food today im gonna die i swear. still feel hungover a bit and not had any drink today, not even champagne which was something else for him to moan about cos i just had lemonade.

goin to pizza express tmrw for a meal with sops, we didnt buy each other anything cos we said we would have a meal together nd perv at hot waiters. she said shes gonna tell the tall skiny waiter im gay cos he does look at bit gay and hes fit, and i want his number.

gotta play taboo now some shit game that val bought. shes got a cupboard in the lounge that she calls the family cupboard nad she keeps buying shit games and makes us all play them. the thing i really wanna play with right now is my cock. ffs.